We used to host two big gatherings every year: a huge cookout Memorial Day weekend and a “both sides of the family along with anyone who didn’t have anywhere else to go” Thanksgiving feast.
The first and foremost reason for these events was because I love to entertain and truly believe the more the merrier.
But the secondary reason had its own merits as well. By opening our home to throngs of people, the whole house got a good cleaning every six months.
You know, twice a year, whether it needed it or not.
I bet even with only this tiny bit of information your keen powers of deduction have revealed two truths:
- Writing is not the only thing that works better for me with a deadline.
- I hate housework.
And thanks to the latest media craze, there is a third truth:
I am not enamored of Marie Kondo, and have no plans to quench my thirst for self-improvement with any flavor of her Tidying Up Kool-Aid.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I confess I have not watched so much as the trailer for her Netflix show, much less an episode. I have a friend who says, “I don’t like anchovies. I’ve never had them, but I know I don’t like them.” It’s kind of like that.
Besides, I’m not in her key demographic anyway. I strongly suspect that most of the people who worship at her well-organized, highly-polished altar were already sitting in a fairly clutter-free home when they tuned in. They need lessons on organizing and purging like I need lessons on wasting time on my phone and maintaining my Rubenesque physique.
I’m Not An Animal
Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that my disinterest in Ms. Kondo should not be interpreted to mean that I’m a pig who lives in squalor. There’s a difference between an unmade bed and letting garbage pile up until it attracts vermin.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that I’m not even a slob.
Sure, there’s plenty of clutter around my home office, and rather than a schedule, I feel housework should be done on an “as-needed” basis. For example, why in the world would I do laundry when I still have clean underwear? I mean, really.
But here’s the thing. When you’re a slob (or worse, a pig), you sit in the midst of the mess and don’t even notice. I, on the other hand, recognize what needs to be done, and, when necessary, do it.
In other words, when company is coming over. After all, we can’t let people know we live like this.
It’s Not My Fault
Society and culture deserve some of the blame for my laissez faire attitude toward housework.
Tell the truth. Isn’t Oscar more lovable than Felix?
We all know a messy desk is the sign of a genius.
And is there a new mother on the face of the earth who didn’t get the following Ruth Hulbert Hamilton poem on a greeting card, plaque or sampler?
The cleaning and scrubbing
can wait til tomorrow,
But children grow up
I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs;
dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby
and babies don’t keep.
For 34 years that’s been my story and I’m sticking to it.
Sure, there’s that old “cleanliness is next to godliness” saying, but be realistic. He’s got the whole world in His hands. Do you really think He cares if your toothbrushes are all facing the same direction?
Another Proud Parenting Moment
I never hesitate to give due credit to my mother for helping shape me into the person I am today… and today’s topic is no exception. Because, of course, the mismatched sock doesn’t fall far from the basket of unfolded laundry.
My mom didn’t teach me to be a bad housekeeper. She taught me that other things — making time for your kids, having your own interests so you stay sane, maintaining friendships, helping others, reading, putting your marriage first — took precedence, because you could always throw it into high gear and get the house presentable if need be.
One of those regular occasions was when our cousins were due for a visit. Mom would get out the figurative whip and try to guilt us into cleaning our rooms.
“I bet your Aunt Grace doesn’t have to yell at the kids to get their rooms clean,” she’d lecture.
Never was I so happy as the day we dropped in at their house unannounced. I immediately went to my cousin’s room… and it was just as big a mess as my own.
“See?” I declared to my mom. “They only clean up when we’re coming over, too!”
Fast forward 25 years or so. One afternoon I suggested to my own offspring, “Hey, let’s get to work and clean up the house.”
One of my own daughters, in all sincerity and innocence, looked me square in the eyes and said, “Who’s coming over?”
Once again, Mom, your legacy lives on.
Love that we share the same views on underwear and housework. I so enjoy the memories of your dear mother. Miss you Mrs O’Connor!
Debbie,
It’s so funny that nearly everything I write finds a way to work its way back to her. Keeps her alive for those who loved her, I guess.
Glad to hear I have a comrade in the housework department. I expected nothing less! Thanks!
Love it!!!!
Thank you!
What a terrific piece! And yes, Oscar was/is much more lovable!
Thanks, Nancy!
I concur!
Great piece.
Thanks, Liz!
YES to this! THANK YOU. I am a recovered neat freak, and finally have freed myself from feeling bad about a little clutter and dust here & there. My mom was like yours. I do tend to prefer things neater and clean, and as a child/young adult I couldn’t wait to have my own home and keep it tidier than the one I grew up in. Then came family life, too many relocations, divorce, and there are only so many hours in a day. I have a long commute and work hard. The last thing the kids need is a mom who goes from one job straight to another — cleaning and tidying instead of being with them. or reading. or exercising. or sketching. or cooking/baking or ANYTHING more life-enhancing. I did struggle and felt frustrated with the lowered standards of neatness – but now that the kids are older and moving on to college I am glad that I got my priorities straight. Life is too short and there are too many good books, friends, creative goals, sunsets, etc.. (And yes, inviting people over once in a while has a magic way of motivating me to clean up! ) Thanks again for the validation, especially during this tyrannical trend of super-tidiness!
Annie,
Thank YOU for taking the time to read and respond. Sounds like we are kindred spirits, with similar moms who also knew what really mattered in life! I hope you’ll look through some of my earlier blog posts. Many of them have other remembrances of my mom. In fact, I launched the blog on October 21, 2014, which would have been her 85th birthday. In many ways it is dedicated to her.
Keep enjoying your important things, and I will do the same!
Laurie
Hey Laurie,
You share the same first name as my very first childhood friend, so yes, there seems to be more than one indicator that we are indeed kindred spirits. I will be sure to read more of your blog. Congratulations you on your work. As a usually blocked writer I am always keen to find inspiration; glad I came across you!
Thanks, Annie! We writers need to stick together. I get so much inspiration from my writer friends, and now you are among them!
Laurie
“They need lessons on organizing and purging like I need lessons on wasting time on my phone and maintaining my Rubenesque physique.”
Loved this essay and this line is one of my favorites!
Thank you! You can’t go wrong with the truth! I appreciate you taking time to comment.
You have to be my twin!!! But you said it so much better than I ever could. Hilariously true. I’ve never seen anything she’s ever done. My house is clean but comfortably lived in I like to say. I am married to an OCD personality so it gets cleaned anyway and I don’t have to do it. He would love her if he knew she existed. My husband just goes behind me and cleans up…keeps us both happy! Loved this.
Well, we non-Marie Kondo types have to stick together. You have exactly described my house, too. And kind of my husband, although he’s a little light on the going behind me and cleaning up part! Thanks for taking time to comment!
This is SOOOO me! And my Mom.
Ditto for baking. My kids would ask, “Who’s coming over?”
Love it!
Made a note to read this when I saw the title! I had just finished watching all eight episodes of that silly tidy Marie Kondo’s Show so I needed some funny pushback. Thanks for that.
Company is great for getting the piles of whatever off the dining room table. Your mom had it right.
Thanks for coming back and for taking time to comment!
Funny you should reply today, as it would have been my mom’s 90th birthday. We’re having a Halloween party Saturday, so I’ll be cleaning on Friday, just as I was properly taught!