Month: April 2018
-
White Like Me
A few years ago I was on my way to a Sunday afternoon party when I remembered that I needed to bring some snacks. Taking the same route I took every day to work, I knew I would be passing an Aldi, and decided to stop there. I parked, grabbed my “Aldi quarter” from the ashtray,…
-
A Miraculous Blessed Event
If you were shocked last week when I told you I was a 60-year-old virgin, hang on to your hat for this week’s news! I’m pregnant! Teachers always warned us it could happen the first time, and they were right. I came home from my first Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop on Sunday great with …….
-
Roseanne Roseannadanna Was Right!
I was so careful. I did my very best Santa imitation… and I’m not just talking about my bowl full of jelly. I made a list and I checked it twice, and even crossed things out as I packed them away. I have slippers and four pair of shoes, including sandals for the balmy 39…
-
The 60-Year-Old Virgin
No one would mistake me for a virgin. Even if you didn’t know about my husband and three children, there’s my obvious postpartum physique, which I have not only maintained, but enlarged upon, for over 30 years. And yet, I am a virgin. In fact, this week a bunch of us virgins will gather in…
-
Going Through Hell in a Handbag
I’m going out of town Wednesday and thought it would be a good idea to clean out my purse before I left. That way I don’t have to worry about getting a ticket for not stopping at the weigh stations on the highway, since my pre-purge load was roughly equivalent to that of an 18-wheeler….